Bonafide Fatass

To continue off of my last post about admitting to secretly being in love with the Smiths, I have another confession to make. *sighs* I AM A FATASS!!!!! Wait wait, let me explain before you start laughing at me or wondering what the hell I am talking about.

I believe that being a fatass can come in two forms; physical and mental.
Physical fatasses are just that, fat. Mental fatasses come in all shapes and sizes. I used to be a double fatass, which means i had both physical and mental characteristics of a true fatass. But thanks to the gym, healthy eating and a competitive market, I've reformed into just being a mental fatass. Mental fatasses love to eat and talk about food. I myself have gotten into some heated debates about good food and people often compare my talking about food to making hot sweaty love or having an orgasm (yeah, it's that deep yall).

So I was talking with a friend about fatasses and here is a list that I've come up with as to the true signs of a fatass (mental, that is).

1. Fatasses are always talking about food.
No matter what the conversation is about; sex, a recent movie, Obama, the NYC Subway, a fatass will sneak in something about food just to, let's say, spice up the conversation. See I just did it again. DAMN DAMN DAMN.

2. Fatasses are always thinking about food.
Even if the said fatass is eating a meal at that exact moment, they are thinking about how good their next meal is going to be (which will probably be within the hour)

3. Fatasses are always eating food.
This is where it gets tricky. A fatass is always eating something. Whether is be a full meal or a granola bar or a bag of chips, they are always putting something (something edible, you nasty people) into their mouths. I don't care if all you snack on is apple slices (which by the way is a super healthy snack. Add some peanut butter and you have yourself a power packed lunch. You're Welcome!) If you do this more time than not throughout the day you're a fatass.

4. Fatasses are always coming up with ways to eat and not get fat, full or something like that.
Evidence:
"I Kinda wanna visit Nawlins and not eat the week before and wear spandex pants and just keep pulling them up over my belly. Oh yeah, and have a fanny pack with resuscitation devices just in case I pass out and need to be revived."
"I wish I could replace my stomach with a pouch so that I could eat and eat and never get full. I'd just empty out the pouch when I finished a meal and start all over again with the eating. That way I wouldn't get fat and I could try a lil bit of all the food I want to eat. It'll be like heaven"

5. Fatasses are always comparing food or eating to some grand adventure or experience.
Have you ever been around someone recanting a story of what they ate for dinner or lunch and they described it in such a way that only a true bonafide fatass can. They described in detail how the food smelled, looked, tasted and how it made them feel. Then after hearing their story your mouth is watering and you want to stab them because you are all of a sudden feining what they described. Fatasses have a way of pulling you into their obsession with food against your will. TRUST ME, I know. I do it almost on a daily basis.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SIGNS OF A FATASS???

I'm Just Sayin!!!!